A dreaded question…
What is it with human nature and relationships that as soon as we settle into a committed affair we get bombarded by the dreaded question “when are you getting married?” or “Do I hear wedding bells?” , or my parents favorite “What do you plan to do?”…
From family members and friends to restaurant owners and taxi drivers these days what I resulted to regard as the dreaded question makes it’s presence as soon as someone find out that I have been in a committed relationship… The first question of course is “how long have you been together?” and then wham bam, here we go again… the same song and dance.
It doesn’t matter what the answer is every single person who is asking “the question” has its own agenda. So if I say “I don’t know yet, it’s too soon to think about marriage”, I get “over two years is more than enough time to make up your mind”. If I say that “I don’t want to get married” I get “oh, why not? What’s wrong with him?”, if I say “We need to sort out certain things before we even start thinking about marriage” I get “the things you will need to do, will never end, the more you wait, the worse the list gets…”. My favorite reply of all is “You are not getting any younger you know, especially if you want to have more kids, you should be thinking and planning your future now”.
Argg…
We all have our timing for what we consider a life long commitment, even though in our days divorce has reached record highs. Some people are more cautious than others; they take their time and ask all the important/key questions* before they embark in the journey or “wedded bliss”, especially if they have gone down that road before. Others, more adventurous types, can’t wait to sign a document to portraits them as a union. There is a group of people that have made marriage the key goal in their lives and they plan the event from a very young age (ok this category of people is populated mostly by women). Another category takes it as slow as possible as to extend the taste and freedoms of the unwed life for as long as possible, afraid of the joke and the un-coolness that comes with the marriage tag (as you probably have guessed this category is populated mostly by men and more specifically men that like to play the field or are afraid of commitment).
No matter what category we are in, hopefully when a couple decides to go down the road of the wedded life their timings will be synchronized and the decision will be taken for reasons other than boredom**.
Personally I am neutral when it comes to marriage. In other words I am not for it or against it. I am a romantic realist and having learned from a previous failed attempt, marriage for me now is the child of a great love affair an integral stroke on the masterpiece of life, a promise to be true and support the other person for the rest of your life. I don’t see it as simply signing a contract or an excuse to have a good party. I see it as a connection necessary to form a family. Yes I am old fashioned in that sense.
A friend recently told me that there should be chapels where women could go and get married on their own, every time they feel the need for having a wedding.
Hmm yes, I guess that would work for every woman that is crazy about wearing the white dress. However, for most women the emphasis is not the actual wedding day (of course it’s very important), it is on the proposal. The feeling and thought that we were chosen by the man we love to share the rest of our live together. Romantic you say? Maybe… but it’s not a guaranty that it would yield a positive response.
So family, friends and all others out there, interested on my well being and future plans… stop asking me when will I get married, when I figure it out, I will let you know, I promise :-)
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*Questions to ask before you get married, a short list can be found at http://www.oprah.com/tows/pastshows/tows_2002/tows_past_20021028_c.jhtml
** If you bored with your life, the answer usually is not to get married or have kids. If you are bored go to http://www.bored.com/, there are plenty of useless things to do there including having a virtual wedding…
From family members and friends to restaurant owners and taxi drivers these days what I resulted to regard as the dreaded question makes it’s presence as soon as someone find out that I have been in a committed relationship… The first question of course is “how long have you been together?” and then wham bam, here we go again… the same song and dance.
It doesn’t matter what the answer is every single person who is asking “the question” has its own agenda. So if I say “I don’t know yet, it’s too soon to think about marriage”, I get “over two years is more than enough time to make up your mind”. If I say that “I don’t want to get married” I get “oh, why not? What’s wrong with him?”, if I say “We need to sort out certain things before we even start thinking about marriage” I get “the things you will need to do, will never end, the more you wait, the worse the list gets…”. My favorite reply of all is “You are not getting any younger you know, especially if you want to have more kids, you should be thinking and planning your future now”.
Argg…
We all have our timing for what we consider a life long commitment, even though in our days divorce has reached record highs. Some people are more cautious than others; they take their time and ask all the important/key questions* before they embark in the journey or “wedded bliss”, especially if they have gone down that road before. Others, more adventurous types, can’t wait to sign a document to portraits them as a union. There is a group of people that have made marriage the key goal in their lives and they plan the event from a very young age (ok this category of people is populated mostly by women). Another category takes it as slow as possible as to extend the taste and freedoms of the unwed life for as long as possible, afraid of the joke and the un-coolness that comes with the marriage tag (as you probably have guessed this category is populated mostly by men and more specifically men that like to play the field or are afraid of commitment).
No matter what category we are in, hopefully when a couple decides to go down the road of the wedded life their timings will be synchronized and the decision will be taken for reasons other than boredom**.
Personally I am neutral when it comes to marriage. In other words I am not for it or against it. I am a romantic realist and having learned from a previous failed attempt, marriage for me now is the child of a great love affair an integral stroke on the masterpiece of life, a promise to be true and support the other person for the rest of your life. I don’t see it as simply signing a contract or an excuse to have a good party. I see it as a connection necessary to form a family. Yes I am old fashioned in that sense.
A friend recently told me that there should be chapels where women could go and get married on their own, every time they feel the need for having a wedding.
Hmm yes, I guess that would work for every woman that is crazy about wearing the white dress. However, for most women the emphasis is not the actual wedding day (of course it’s very important), it is on the proposal. The feeling and thought that we were chosen by the man we love to share the rest of our live together. Romantic you say? Maybe… but it’s not a guaranty that it would yield a positive response.
So family, friends and all others out there, interested on my well being and future plans… stop asking me when will I get married, when I figure it out, I will let you know, I promise :-)
-~-~-~-~-~-~ -~-~-~-~-~-~ -~-~-~-~-~-~ -~-~-~-~-~-~ -~-~-~-~-~-~
*Questions to ask before you get married, a short list can be found at http://www.oprah.com/tows/pastshows/tows_2002/tows_past_20021028_c.jhtml
** If you bored with your life, the answer usually is not to get married or have kids. If you are bored go to http://www.bored.com/, there are plenty of useless things to do there including having a virtual wedding…
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